Former top Senate aide accused of child pornography says he was sexually abused


The body of 35-year-old top Senate aide Jesse Ryan Loskarn was found at his family home basement in Carroll County, Md., on Thursday. The former chief of staff to Republican Senator Lamar Alexander of Tennessee had been living at the family home since after his arrest in December on charges of possessing child pornography.

He wrote in a suicide note: “In some ways I feel disgusting sharing this truth with you because in my heart I still struggle to see my five-year-old self as a victim”.    “But I’m sharing this with you because it is the truth, not an excuse.

He started looking at child porn during a search for music on a peer-to-peer network, Loskarn wrote.

“I found myself drawn to videos that matched my own childhood abuse. It’s painful and humiliating to admit to myself, let alone the whole world, but I pictured myself as a child in the image or video,” the note says. “The more an image mirrored some element of my memories and took me back, the more I felt a connection.

“This is my deepest, darkest secret.”

The abuse, he said, happened when he was 5- and 9-years-old. He does not identify his abuser in the message released by his family.

Ariana-Leilani, like many children, suffers from abuse.  Her illness is part of the cover up of that abuse.   Please sign her petition to get her the relief she needs so she does not have to live a life like Mr. Loskarn:

GoPetition for ariana-leilani

Learn more: DC Crime Stories

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